Should You Call a Man?

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Should You Call a Man?
En Espaňol: DEBEMOS LLAMAR A LOS HOMBRES?

Call the man when and if it’s in your interest to call him. Take charge of your own life. Don’t ever let some self-appointed rulemaker tell you not to call men. Seize the day instead!

Telephone manners apply when talking to the man. Keep your conversation to the point or when revealing his innermost thoughts. He’ll view you negatively if you talk about irrelevant issues or about events, places, and people you know and he doesn’t.

Here’s why you should take action:

The fellow may have lost your number. Most men are not well organized, and the slip of paper in which you wrote your number may be at the cleaners or in his pile of papers at his office.

The man may be too timid to call you. The more he likes you the more courage he needs to make the first call.

The man may be interested in you, but is testing you. He may be waiting for you too call first, to pave the way into the relationship.

He may have a history of getting wrong numbers from women and dread dialing another wrong number.

The male ego is fragile, especially if he is in a position of power and influence. Your fellow could be busy, or on a business trip, or dieing in a foreign land. Life is competitive – and that fact applies especially to human behavior. Don’t be a beached whale waiting for the tides to come in. Always take his telephone number when you give him yours – then call him to verify it’s correct.

Suppose a man didn’t call you first. What should you do? Call him! Remove his fear of rejection. This first call is not a marathon of conversation, but is just a quick courtesy call. Say simply that you enjoyed his conversation when you met and that you hope your paths cross again. His response and the tenor of what he says should indicate if he’s happy to hear from you or interested in you – or not – but you can’t really know until you try once.
If you think he’s lost your number, call him. Plan this call carefully, as you have just one opportunity to find out what happened to your number. If you truly believe that he might have lost your number, leave your number on his voice mail. Include in your message that you enjoyed meeting him. That’s only good manners, not a pitch for him to love you forever.
If you think that the man thinks you’re not interested in him, you may be right. Invite him to have a cup of coffee with you or to have lunch together. If it is difficult for you to “break the ice” with him, it’s even more difficult for him. Openly admit to him that your schedule became more hectic than you had anticipated and you have been very hard to reach. Ask him to please accept your apology if he’s been unsuccessful in reaching you.
You may two tickets to a show, and are tempted to call him, to invite him to the show. But before you do so, consider whether you know his interests and his time commitments. Use the “two tickets to a show” technique to call him if you must, but do this after you know the show could be of interest to him.
Suppose you need a date for a wedding. Hold off inviting him until he’s contemplating marriage with you. You don’t want him to start thinking about marriage until you’re ready to marry and you know he’s similarly inclined.
Should you call a man just because your mother told you to call him? That shouldn’t be your only reason to call him. After all, you’re a grownup now, making choices, and asserting control over your life. Call him if it’s in your interest to call him. Ask Mom why she is so keen on your calling special someone. You should already now whether Mom called Dad. Your question might provide some insight into your Mom’s true self!
Should you call him just because your female friends call men? Call him, because you welcome any opportunity to enhance communications with him. A friendly ear can help him forget the lows of his day or relive the joys of the day. Listen as long as he is willing to talk. End the call at the first lull. Make sure that he is talking most of the conversation and not just listening to you. If you don’t call him, some other women will take the initiative and can easily displace you by being good listeners.
Suppose your brother said the fellow would be flattered if a girl calls him. Should you call this fellow? Your brother is absolutely right, and the man should be quite pleased by the call. Your brother is helping you learn about men. So give this fellow a call. Surely you could give good advice to your brother about creating interest in a woman. Conversely, he can give you good advice about men.
What should you do if you can’t sleep well since the man stopped calling you? Your success in calling him to rekindle interest in you is likely to be slim, but you may need his continued rejection or indifference toward you to finally get the big picture and learn to move on. Call him, but be cautious because your ego is likely to be bruised. If you’re not sleeping well your best remedy is a new love.
Should you call the man to ask why he stopped calling you? Most importantly, have you asked yourself why you’ve stopped calling him? You should be doing your part in the communication, as it’s a two-way street. If your relationship had any significance, you deserve an explanation. Ask him why or when he lost interest in seeing you. Preface your question with the assurance you’re feelings at this point are not going to be hurt and you welcome honesty and will wish him well regardless of his motives. You may learn that his ex came back into his life or he met someone new. It’s better to know the truth than assume you are somehow at fault.
Should you ask your fellow for recipe of a dish he prepared? Why not? Ask him for his recipe. If appropriate, invite him to enjoy the occasion. He should be flattered you are using his know how for something special.
Would you call him just because you left your umbrella in his apartment? Good idea to call him, especially if it’s been raining. Note his response: He may suggest that he’ll leave it with the doorman or he may ask to come by with the umbrella. If he offers to personally deliver the umbrella, it’s your opportunity to reward his effort with his favorite snack or dinner.
Would you call him because you can’t live without him? Perhaps you should call him, but before you call him, think and consider whether he can live without you. A man enjoys being needed as long as the need is not an all encompassing psychological need. Don’t be an anchor or needy. A man, as well as a woman, enjoys being needed for a further mutual enjoyment of life. You must be a great source of joy for him too.
Suppose you suspect that the relationship isn’t happening, and you want to ask him what it is about you he didn’t like. Should you call him? If this is an important enough concern, a face to face will be more informative as you can judge his demeanor. Asking him what he could change about you or himself may get you a valuable insight into your incompatibility. Don’t give him a “laundry list” of your faults, and don’t voluntarily offer to change yourself. See what he has to say. Keep in mind that sex, money and boredom (too much or too little of any one of those) are the usual killers of relationships.
Suppose you want to know how he’s doing. Should you call him? Call him if you wish, but first consider your reasons for your curiosity, and whether his curiosity is reciprocal. This call should be short and sweet. Don’t be a nuisance.
Suppose you want to wish him Happy Birthday or Happy New Year. These are good reasons to call, at least if you call is close to his birthday or new year’s day. Remember you are wishing him happiness and are not looking for an excuse to discuss other issues.

Keep the door open for other adventures, though.
Suppose you changed your telephone number, and new telephone number is unlisted. Should you call him to give him your new number? Of course you should, if you still want to hear from him.
Should you call him on the pretext that you are thinking about joining a convent and want his opinion about that. That’s a dumb approach. He may think that you have so little sex drive to consider that option that you are out of the running as a mate for him.
Suppose you suspect that the man has a new woman. Suppose you want to know if the new woman is thinner, prettier, smarter, better in bed, or more success than you are. Should you call him to find out this information? He probably won’t be giving you this information and view you as the Gestapo. Call him, but have a different purpose in mind such as not slamming the door shut on this relationship. Instead, invite him to see you when his schedule allows. If he is in a new relationship and it fails, you’ll be soon on his mind.
Can you call him just to say hi? Yes, you can do this, but not often enough to be a nuisance. As a rule of thumb, don’t do this more than once a month until you both know each other better.
Suppose you’re never home and you’re hard to reach. Should you call him? Of course you should, but consider having e-mail, or a cell phone, or a standing date like Thursdays (or every other Thursday) it’s lunch at China Buffet.
What do you do if your answering machine is broken? Buy a new answering machine promptly. Call him and let him know you’ve lost many messages possibly including his. You should do that for all your friends who may have left important messages.
He has a favorite city where he travels. You happen to be going to that city on your vacation. Should you call him asking for his sightseeing ideas? Yes, and take pictures when you’re there. It’s a common interest point for you both to enjoy.
Suppose you and your fellow have split up. Should you call him to ask him whether the relationship is really over? Telephone silence following the split up of an established relationship is indicative that it’s over. You know the odds of success here, but consider calling if you ego can withstand failure. You may also learn to leave yourself a window of opportunity in the next relationship by agreeing that if you ever broke up, you would meet one week later just to have a more proper farewell.
Suppose your fellow told you to call. Should you call him? Of course call him. Even if a man didn’t specifically ask you to call him, call him at reasonable times and reasonable frequencies to not lose touch. Of course, he can then ask you not to call him, and you’ll have your answer.